What a weird journey this is! So, since the age of 27, my hair has started to get thinner and I've been left with bald patches, I only found this out when someone I thought was a friend took a photo in a club, she took it standing on a higher bit where there was a seating place, and next day there was all the photos of our night out on Facebook, I still remember the stirring feeling in my tummy and shock seeing my shiny bald scalp In the picture, no now had cared to tell me what was happening on top of my bonce, and there it was, tagged on that night out, I looked a mess, unfeminine and felt the ugliest I'd ever felt in my life. As far back as I remember, my cousin who was blonde and considered the prettiest one was the families favourite, and I was the ugly kid, I was actually told that, I'm not just feeling sorry for myself, i was always being told why couldn't I be like her, and that I was useless compared to her the golden child, also being told by my own mum that she wished I hadn't been born wasn't helpful, constantly being put down hasn't done much for the confidence, no wonder I was so down and had a wall up, but now this update on my ugliness level took the biscuit. Anyway, I've lost count how many times I've been the doctors to get an answer about it, constantly told to just deal with it, I'm not joking, similar with my monthlies, mother nature being a bitch, just have to deal with it, they didn't seem to have an answer why I'm always feeling tired, knackered, and why my hair had continued to fall out in clumps and was having periods that lasted 3 weeks or sometimes 2 a month, and being told they couldn't put me on the pill as I was overweight was not helpful, as I approached my 40s, I'm told I can't go on the pill as I'm too old, all sounded like excuses and like they could not be arsed, you know your own body and when you aren't well. I'm hoping to hell anyone reading this in a similar situation continues to fight and asks for a second opinion or change your doctors, don't take no for an answer!
Anyway, fast forward to me nearly being 43, I'm in a different county, where we've moved twice, and though the receptionist of the docs can be an arsey cow, the gp's I've seen have actually done something about it, I feel like I've had to fight for it, but it's took nearly 16 years which is rediculous!
Just before Christmas, I went to the doctors, I found blood in my poo, please always get it checked out, I had to do a little sample for them, which was a bugger to do, I'll be frank and honest here OK, it's not easy to get a piece of shit to cover these little indents on a piece of plastic, you can't scoop it out the toilet, so I found it best to get a bit from a stool, and scrape it off with a bit of toilet paper, then wipe it across the piece of plastic to coat the indents, yuk, there's no graceful way to do it, or maybe there is but I couldn't find a way to do it!
Hopeful it would come back fine, I got an answer back rather quick, they'd found traces of blood in my plop I'd provided them with in such a ladylike way, and was fast tracked for cancer, now the way the gp helped me understand it, I didn't really feel any fear, I'd just have to deal with it, so quickly got an appointment at the hospital to get a camera up the arse hole, good news, no cancer, they found these holes in my colon which looked like someone had gone along and pressed into the walls and made an indent into the other side, I have diverticular disease which mimics the symptoms of colon cancer, thank fuck for that! Now there's no known cure but I'm to eat loads of fruit and veg, so farts galore, though I still have flare ups, and it's not nice at all if I'm honest, but thank fuck it wasn't cancer! Anyway, Christmas could be celebrated happily and it was a nice quiet one, sprouts galore, and we welcomed in the new year, and hey ho, let's start it with another cancer scare eh! I kid ye not! I don't do things by halves!
So over that last year or so, my periods had continued to be weird, maybe 2 a month, then a 3 week long one, then nothing for 3 months, I'd got an appointment in our last place, but as we moved, I had to start again getting this sorted, as my periods now were more spotting than anything, and I'm now 11 weeks with nothing, dry 'down there' and sore boobies, I hope this helps someone reading, this isn't only fans, I don't go around talking about my fun bags and fanny usually!
So, finally I'm being taken seriously, it's took too long, concerns for my left boob as it feels different, I'm getting a scan on that, hopefully it rules out cancer, I'm terrified if I'm honest but better to be safe than sorry, please I know it's embarrassing but if anyone reading this sees a change in their boobs please get it checked out, I know it's embarrassing as hell, but please, better to be safe than sorry
My gp, suspected I've started early menopause, if it goes a year with nothing obviously that when I'm in full menopause, but as this started at 39, they are wanting to be sure what's going on, at last! So, the latest updates are:
* my gp got me referred to a dermatologist regarding the hairloss, I went for an operation to get a biopsy on my scalp, they took 2 samples and they've been sent off to a centre in Newcastle, currently waiting for results to come back
*I'm on a waiting list for counselling for grief and other things on a medical level (regarding my parents, I couldn't get this anywhere else as the service in last town had no spaces available, and also counselling for past trauma, but that's another story I'm not ready to talk about)
* currently having therapy sessions for past trauma, this is something I have seeked myself locally, took a lot of guts to do
*blood test results came back with something going on with my pituarity gland, so I am being referred to endocrinology , and also down to have an MRI, I am hopeful for a diagnosis from this and wonder when the scalp biopsy results come back it will put the puzzle together? Fingers crossed!
I'll update as and when, an answer is better than 'everything is fine' hopefully it is something curable and easy, and a little scared and anxious, but feels a bit easier to cope when writing about it and hopeful anyone experiencing similar will get the courage to go the docs, and get an answer too, if you don't get the answer you wanted, get a second opinion, if you find your doctors are rubbish, change doctors, I can't stress that enough
Thanks for reading xxx
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