*BEWARE BEFORE YOU READ THIS I SWEAR A LOT, IT'S LETTING OUT A LOT OF ANGER AND WAS CLEANSING * So I wanted to write everything i remember about a rta i was involved in. This goes as far back as 2016, i had left my job packing colostomy bags as i had become a full time carer for my mum and dad, and knew they were struggling while i was doing shift work. My aunt who had it in for me was living next door, that's another story, but quite why she decided to make my life a living hell was a mystery, it seemed as if she was jealous of anyone who got to spend time with my mum other than her, all seemed very silly and petty, when I went out the back door she would be there staring at me and when i was at the end of the path she would shout various things, usually something about me being fat, she wasn't too svelte herself, or accusing me of being a paedo, which is a terrible false accusation and could of had bad repercussions but she loved to make me scared and it appeared to give her a thrill, or her favourite one ', you're no carer' well, no other family around to help and she never did, estranged from any family so I'm the only one who can, she had basically moved in next door to be a constant bully, but I'll do a full one on her another time, what a vile, spiteful, hatred filled supposed aunty, and i still don't know how or why she decided she wanted to be so cruel
So, i openly admit, being a carer was difficult, but i didn't want anyone else doing it and my parents trusted me, but i got zero training. My mum had schizophrenia, she had a way of convincing the nurses she was better when she had been sectioned, which went into double figures, but there was always signs i knew when she wasn't well, and if i got her the help she needed, I'd be the bastard who put her in there and made to feel guilty, unlucky for me she was brought up very very fucking Catholic and the guilt was strong with that one! She knew exactly how to make me feel bad, and it is sweet relief to have zero to do with any of her family these days, in one way I'd like to have an aunty or close female relative as I'm going through the change currently and not having a mum or older female relative i can talk to about it is killing me without sounding dramatic, my partner is super supportive but you know that female figure is needed and i don't know anyone up here, we noved up north and then before we knew it a global pandemic kicked off, Then we got kicked out of our home and we don't know anyone here, i have mental health issues I'm not at all ready to talk about in a blog so making friends or talking to strangers ain't so cool really, I'm having a freak out at the thought of talking to a doctor and the days knowing a delivery or Internet groceries are coming i can feel myself panicking that something is going to go wrong, I'll leave that there it's a long story and as per I've gone completely off topic lol
So, yes rta, road traffic accident, i wasn't trained and due to my mum's mental health issues, she had advocacy and also social workers, zero help off them, it was all about my mum's rights and if she wanted to believe she was psychic, they had to go along with it, zero care that my dad and me were often put in danger due to my mum's episodes, it was all about this loopholes and red tape, so there was no way for me to get any sort of training, this lead to me hurting my back, lifting them both incorrectly, i had to fight with local mp on my side to get equipment and help i needed to get respite from mum, she would turn nasty and cruel sometimes and this lead to my own decline in health, mentally and physically.
My dad had everything, he had a blood cancer and was in proper poor health, but he seldom let it it get him down and he would be grateful to me and be patiient, apart from the transport that was provided to and from dialisys and cancer treatments, waiting around for hours after surgeries, dialisys and chemo ain't fun, and i don't blame him really. Mum was the opposite, a why me attitude, she had womb cancer, and the mental health made the physical bad, somehow managed to unlearn how to walk, there was no valid reason as to why she was falling and not able to get around, she just seemed to forget how, to this day i don't know if it was her meds, or probably, thinking about it it may of been the schizophrenia, who knows what the voices were telling her, because i couldn't bloody well hear them, so how did she expect me to know how to get her to walk, there was a thin line between too much care which was mollycoddling which was zero help and not caring enough, that mad bitch next door that was supposed to be an auntie was having a field day, yet just loved to see me fail, but my dad over heard her slagging me off, 'aunty' was saying I'd left a message on her answer phone, it wasn't me, it was my mum saying for shite aunty to ring her, but the cow was insinuating that the voice mail was saying i was being horrible, my dad listened and straight away said 'that's not netty, that's her (my mum) saying for you to ring her!' and douche aunt kept insisting no it's netty, she's threatening me! my dad asked sternly to listen to the message again, it said the same thing, my mum saying it was her and for my mum to ring her when she was available, my dad went off his head, it is honestly like something out of one of those shite women's magazines isn't it, where you get £50 for your story, things like 'my husband ate blancmange, and i divorced him' or 'i married a gingerbread man' or ', i won the lotto and my baby got 40DD bob job' proper jeremy kyle shit, like something off the uk show shameless, my mum had this thing that if she fell out with her sister, life would be over, like my aunty had some sort of hold over her, what a toxic vile person, and sorry but my mum to a certain degree for not sticking up for me when I'd done fuck all to deserve any of her sisters vile treatment, but my dad stuck up for me, he seen my aunty was pure lying and told her to get out the house and never come back, my mum acted like a spoilt teenager crying like she'd been grounded and mum was texting the vile cunt every 5 minutes like the 2 of them were a pair of naughty schoolgirls, my dad actually shouted at mum and took her phone off her and told mum never to see her sister again, my aunty was just letting herself in and out the house before that, anyway, another tangent there...
So no help training and only dad on my side, i started to believe i was some sort of dickhead, especially when mum was telling me she wish she'd never had me, which she told me multiple times throughout my life, and that i was a mistake, there's no way to tell me how to feel about that, it hurts deep, I'm damaged
So, as if the mental and physical issues weren't enough, one day, i decided to have some time to myself, mum was at day centre which she eventually stopped going to which was fucking annoying as some time without her around in the day was needed, i know you shouldn't speak ill of parents but she clearly never loved me, she continually used me and hurt me, i was a daddy's girl. Dad was out getting dialisys, left me a good few hours to see an old mate, have a brew then get back to get them out the transport and back in, but that didn't exactly go to plan.
I'd had a nice time, waved my mate off, he lived in a block of flats, 3 of them in a row, i wasn't sure which side of the road to stand to get the bus, so crossed over to check out the time table on the other side, I'd looked up the road and I'm 5 foot 5 in, i could see over the top of the cars all parked up the side of the road, but shit a brick, this woman came bolting down the road, and i went flying, she didn't see me, and she said she was rushing to pick up her daughter from a dance class, see what rushing does and not looking, doing 50 mph on a 30 road, i was bloody lucky, i don't know what you think reading this but the fact there was skid marks (abiet not mine, but it definitely was a brown trouser time!) and her airbag went off, the cheeky cow said she was doing 5 mph, as if, i wouldn't just walk into the road willy nilly, and she'd of seen me if she was doing 5 mph, and not exactly rushing at that low speed eh! I remember my left eye all i could see was red, thought I'd lost my eye, i was breathing really mad, i knew if I didn't i was a gonner, i seen a mad light that was almost tempting to look at but tried my best to keep conscious, it was like the bright light was showing no pain, then i tried to move, i was fucked. My wig was across the field opposite, i had my hair shaved off as it all falls out in the middle, probably due to all the stess! No wonder i drank like a sailor back then, but teetotal nowadays, anyhow, i remember moving my back and it was just one big clunk and extreme pain, like someone had kicked 7 shades of shite out of me, but no it was a car that had done it, i had bits of headlight stuck in my head too, which was the least of my concerns. I was more bothered that I'd lost an eye and trying to get up to get back for my mum and dad.
A passer by who was walking his dog came and helped, he thought my head had been knocked off but glad it was just my wig! Him and the woman who knocked me rang an ambulance, Nearly an hour wait, the fellas dog kept trying to lick the blood off my head, but not ideal with head light stuck in there, didn't want the poor dog with glass stuck in his tongue. Fucking typical, just my luck! I'd filled in a form with the council that if i was to be in a emergency, there was a contingency plan of who to get to send help for my parents, well, as i had no friends or family that would of been able to, the authorities were to get in touch with social services. Guess what... That didn't happen! The coppers turned up, i fucking hate the police, unless sacks of shite, I've never found them to be of any help, they blocked the road either side, was a bit dodgy for about 15 mins with cars still trying to drive around me and I'm not able to get up stuck on the road, plastered in road rash on my face and hands!, anyway, i was on some mad one, trying to fight the pain, shouting to some pig, i mean police officer 'tis but a scratch' and loads of shite like that, telling jokes, because trying to stay awake when all i wanted to do was go to that lovely looking bright white thing was getting harder and harder, but finally the ambulance turned up, i was supposed to sign some piece of paper with the cunt stable i mean contestable lol but he seen my bloodied up hands and said oh don't worry about it, I'll sort it out, looking back now, i wonder what the hell that was and why didn't i question it, i can't tell you some stuff due to legal reasons, but there's some things i will tell! Anyway, they got me walking, just about into the ambulance it's like when you've got a lego man, or in this case woman, and clicking the limbs back into place, as i was walking, everything was clicking, and clunking sounds and popping into place, um, kinda, extremely painful, i daresnt move my back it was like it was made of a piece of wooden board and couldn't bend it, to do so felt like it would of snapped in bits, due to the fact i was screaming in pain, they gave me lovely lovely morphine, i was glad to be in that ambulance for that, and also the fact there was 3 towers of people in those flats watching everything going on, was like they were willing me to die or something, so a load of people i don't know watching everything was embarrassing, but had that flight or fight thing going on where I thought i was a female billy connelly or something! I remember the ambulance man saying ideally they didn't want me to have morphine as the a+e wouldn't treat me properly, but could see how much pain I was in and thought it cruel to not treat me, ooh if was like floating on a cloud! So, yup, a girl got me to hold my arms out , she then disappeared, came back 2 hours later, and picked all the glass out of my head, cleaned that and stitched up my head, then told me to go, no scans, x rays nothing!
I hobbled in terrific pain to the taxi rank, they gave me co codamol ffs and didn't sleep that night, but before that, i took my jeans off which was mega difficult, oh... There was a big wound on my leg and knee which they ignored, i had to get an appointment with my gp and i had a hole in my leg which stunk and went septic, it got rebulit with some seaweed wound pack stuff and I've lost all sensation on that leg, i now walk with a stick and with great difficulty, some days easier than others and had a op on my back, which has been stupid, i changed doctors x3 as no gp would sort me out with physio so went untreated, i had private treatment and had several untreated injuries on my back. My knee is fucked and ankle too, and on meds which make me feel like a zombie, but work better than the paracetamol and co codamol the original doc said would sort it, what an ignorant prick!
Anyhow, I arrived home and mum was more concerned that she needed a pee, rather than how i was, i ordered a take away as there was no way i was cooking and it was like my mum wasn't bothered at all, more bothered about herself, but dad couldn't believe I'd survived after what i told him what happened. Caring for them both was difficult, in rediculous amounts of pain, and probably did more damage, i had to fight allsorts of red tape and bounderies to get my mum into care as she'd become so ill she was becoming like a little selfish spoilt brat, and my health was really bad physically and mentally, she was so bad she refused to eat and passed away in the nursing home, not long really after being there. My dad died 5 months after. I feel like I'm to blame, no family on my side and little to no help, i missed all my medical appointments so i could help mum and dad with theirs. Dads cancer came back and it was treatable but not curable, and myeloma seemed to be a bit of a gimp in that it had completely nommed his kidneys, then it completely took him from me, i have nightmares about having it, having blood tests every few months at the mo as I have been unwell and have nightmares about myeloma
Oh, when the accident happened, my mum was being treated for cancer, her sister didn't come to see her on the day of the hysterectomy, and mum desperately wanted visitors, anyway, mum rang her to tell her I'd been run over, i was sitting right by her, thinking why are you still talking to this vile woman, and my aunty said 'shame the car didn't do a better job' and that's the moment my mum never spoke to her sister again, better late than never, that's when mum believed dad and me what an evil cunt my aunty really was and i think my mum went into a deep depression and it spun her head and the voices were making her do more cruel stuff than ever before, i wish that aunty had never found us again, she's caused way too much damage, but i feel good for cutting off such toxic family, best thing i ever did
I miss my parents and would do it again in a Heartbeat caring for them, but hopefully in better health and with more knowledge and strength!
Usefull links
Carer uk
https://www.carersuk.org/
Uk charity mind for mental health
https://www.mind.org.uk/donate/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw--2aBhD5ARIsALiRlwAEj3u4KdzkF2-tioTgiJb21wT95ywJ3ZumBU5piehSeBb1A6Ah08gaAulmEALw_wcB
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