So I'm third month into my recovery from surgery now, long story as short as I can if you haven't read my previous blogs, hang on..... In all honesty I don't actually know how to do a blog I just type my thoughts! So, I had my thymus gland and a tumour removed, where they opened up my breast bone, and it's been mega painful to say the least, I've been on liquid oxycodone and some other new meds, the past week or 2 my insomnia has got worse, I'm frightened to go to sleep as I find breathing difficult, now this is due to another problem. An unfortunate set back happended after my surgery where I had to have an emergency procedure, they put a camera down in my lungs to remove secretions, this is called a bronchoscopy, and I had to spend a small amount of time in intensive care after it, but was back on the ward during the night. During my original surgery, an unfortunate thing happened, no one's fault, the left side phrenic nerve was damaged and this lead me having a paralysed diaphragm, which causes my left lung to partially collapse all the time, so they are giving me x-rays once a month to keep a timeline of what's happening, the hope is the nerve heals itself, this is over 10-12 months, then a CT scan early next year to see if any tumours have returned and see if this nerve damage is permanent or temporary, they will then decide whether or not it's beneficial to do a op on my diaphragm which will help my breathing, it's all a waiting game, and I'm getting bored of it sometimes, I want to give up, I'm in too much pain, I can't even go to the bathroom without being out of breath and In pain, lying down is agony, and got new pains in my neck which feels like pinching, I felt like I'm doing nothing but moaning, but people are kind and say about I've had major op done and they understand, but I feel useless, I can't breathe when bending over so means I can't do simple tasks, laundry, gardening, even getting dressed is a chore! I am thankful that a lot of people I was in the hospital ward with had it much worse, but all helped each other and the nurses cheered us on, it was very supportive!
I hope if I do have to have this procedure done on my diaphragm, that it's either in Newcastle as I know they are caring in the Freeman, or somewhere I'm near to home, I'm mostly scared of having chest drainage again, it's going to be a long wait to see what will need to be done, I'm just sick of being sick or be honest! Not being able to sleep, being so fatigued I can't hardly do anything, it's a vicious cycle. I'm not going to do anything silly, like get stuck into some gardening, but part of me just wants to go out and mow the lawn, but it would fuck me over and wouldn't be worth it. The sooner the end of the year comes and nearer to this CT scan the better, the waiting is frustrating.
Oh, and for the sake of saying, if I get any more messages saying about getting my chest scar removed or treatments, I'm not interested, I'm not vain enough to get it removed, it itches like fuck and feels like sunburn, it's healing well, doesn't hurt as much as it did but is still enough pain to bring tears to my eyes, especially when I sneeze, that plus the pain off the collapsed lung, it feels Iike an uphill battle at the min, I keep in mind the track perseverance by hatebreed, that's the best medicine at the moment
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